Dear Souls & Hearts Member,
A blessed Feast of the Immaculate Conception to all of you.
Back on October 17, 2025, I offered you the reflection A Catholic Guide to Writing Personal Resolutions. This reflection provides additional guidance and encouragement for writing your own personal resolutions.
Bottom line up front
As I emphasized in the previous reflection, “The most important time to making resolutions is today. Now.”
In a 1744 letter to the Duc de Richelieu, Voltaire wrote that: “The best is the enemy of the good” and he repeated it in a poem he later wrote. This is certainly true about resolutions. Do not wait to write the best resolution; an imperfect but still good resolution carried out imperfectly is better than never making a resolution at all.
So my hope for you is that you will make one resolution today.
The stakes are high
In his book Life of Union with Mary, Fr. Emile Neubert describes the high stakes of resolutions in this passage:
We must start with what is most important. What is most important in spiritual work is the resolution, for on each resolution a whole series of actions depends. Mental prayer, particular examen, spiritual renewals, reviews in the evening, at the end of the week, and monthly or annual retreats – all these exercises should end in practical resolutions. [p. 75].
No one ever became a saint without making and struggling to carry out personal resolutions. One cannot drift into sanctity, and resolutions focus us in a way that nothing else can on what is important.
Unfortunately, many people have given up on resolutions, or do not consider making them. The paths of their lives may be littered with attempts at resolutions, and perceived failures. Often this happens when resolutions may be so grand and difficult as to be unachievable, setting oneself up for failure. If perfectionism gets in the way (and see Interior Integration for Catholics podcast episode 85 for more on that), it can shut down good work that falls short of being perfect.
Often resolutions fail when interior fragmentation leaves parts in conflict with one another about direction in life and goals, and parts who don’t feel included in the resolution-making process sabotage the resolution (I discuss this in more detail in my reflection A Catholic Guide to Writing Personal Resolutions).
Process over achievements
When I accompany others in making and carrying out resolutions, and in my own life, I focus more on the process of making resolutions, rather than specific achievements. Developing the habit of making good, practical resolutions is more important that keeping any single resolution or set of resolutions. I discuss the importance of developing habits in reflections here and here. And that good process includes all the parts that are accessible in your system.
While there are general principles and guidelines for writing resolutions (I detailed many of these in the reflection A Catholic Guide to Writing Personal Resolutions), there is also a need for some trial and error to figure out what works for us with regard to our personal resolutions, and how to find them, as we navigate with our parts.
It’s important to note that there is merit in the eyes of God when struggling with resolutions. Resolutions bring us to the front lines of our own personal battlefields, and even when we fail in carrying out a resolution, there is so much we can learn from it. If we actively seek to overcome the things that hold us back from living out our vision, values, and mission in life, we will probably commit more errors and sins of commission than if we don’t. But if we don’t, we fall into the greater errors and sins of omission.
Valuing small gains
Small, consistent gains are the road to success. As James Clear notes in his book Atomic Habits:
It is so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small improvements on a daily basis. Too often, we convince ourselves that massive success requires massive action…. Meanwhile, improving by 1 percent isn’t particularly notable—sometimes it isn’t even noticeable—but it can be far more meaningful, especially in the long run. The difference a tiny improvement can make over time is astounding. Here’s how the math works out: if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up 37 times better by the time you’re done. Conversely, if you get 1 percent worse each day for one year, you’ll decline nearly down to zero. What starts as a small win or a minor setback accumulates into something much more.
So small, but consistent resolutions are needed for those small gains. Remember, the “A” in a SMART resolution is that it be “achievable”; the resolution needs to be scaled to the day, realistic, yet still stretch you out of your comfort zone (see my last reflection on writing personal resolutions for more on that)
That’s why I particularly like daily resolutions, or even intraday resolutions, resolutions for a few hours. By using resolutions that last only a few hours, you can rack up these small gains more quickly. Robert Braathe, a business trainer, asserts that “I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. I believe in new day or new hour resolutions.” I get what he’s driving at, but I believe this can be a both/and – both hourly resolutions and longer-term resolutions. But I’ll say it again – for beginners, start with daily resolutions, or even resolutions over three-hour blocks of time.
Connecting resolutions to your personal vision, values, and mission statements
I want to emphasize again that the vast majority of people have not written a personal vision, values, or mission statement, and that it’s important to start with resolutions now, even if you don’t have the statements written.
That said, if you do have a personal vision, values, and mission statement, ideally your resolutions will flow from those statements, particularly your mission statement.
As a reminder, “Your mission statement focuses not on the future (like your vision statement does), but rather on the present, what you are called to do now to realize your future vision. Mission statements that are clear and precise lay out guidance for how to follow the star – they are your maps and compass.” (See here, here, and here for my reflections on writing a personal mission statement.
No personal mission statement can be specific enough to provide detailed guidance for the day. However, your mission statement is an excellent guide to remind you of what you are focusing on in your life, to inform your personal resolution(s) for the day.
As I detailed in my last reflection, I Revise and Renew My Personal Mission Statement, my mission statement now is:
God, I discern Your will wholeheartedly and I take the next right step to love You, Pam, my children, my neighbors, and myself, primarily through my vocation and duties of state.
I’ve made hourly and daily resolutions for more than 15 years, so that in this point in my journey, I feel very comfortable making five daily resolutions, all derived from my mission statement. Those five resolutions are tailored to the events of my day, the people with whom I will be relating, the “stuff” of this day.
My mission statement guides me toward my vision, which is to become love, as I detail in the reflection Renewing and Revising a Vision Statement: My God (Who is Love), I am becoming love, in union with You, in all my being, in every moment, with deep trust in You, and detachment from all else. And my resolutions need to be in accord with my values, which I described in Renewing and Revising a Personal Values Statement:
- I welcome love to all of me.
- God, I embrace You, my Father, adopting all of me as Your beloved son and heir.
- God, I love You back wholeheartedly.
- In loving You, I love all of my neighbor.
- In loving You, I love all of me.
There are five to love in my mission statement in red font above: God, Pam (my wife), my children, my neighbor, and myself. (I have seven children, so I focus a resolution on loving one specific one each day of the week – I tried to come up with a separate resolution to love each child each day but that got overwhelming.)
And my mission statement reminds me to focus in first on my vocation as a husband and father, and my duties of state, to keep me from spinning off into less important domains, pursuing my own agendas with regard to my professional work, for example.
By reviewing my day, anticipating the challenges that lie ahead when I might find it difficult to love, or there might be a special opportunity to love, or I might try some new way of loving, I consult with my parts about how, in a recollected way, I might love more wholeheartedly. I discern one resolution for each of these loves.
To start, I check with my parts for ideas about how to love God, Pam, my children, my neighbor and myself today. Then I ask Mother Mary, my spiritual confidant, and the one to whom I am consecrated, what she thinks, in accord with Fr. Emile Neubert’s recommendation: “Resolutions are much more precise, much more energetic, especially much more efficacious, if they have been submitted to Mary have been approved by her.” [Life of Union with Mary, p. 75].
So I start out with my intellect, using reason and with contributions from my parts about what makes sense in loving, both the rational and intuitive aspects of my psyche. Then I reach out to Mary and to God to offer the potential resolutions to them, to see if any inspirations or insights from them lead to improvements, in collaboration. And then I write them down.
Writing resolutions down is really important for clarity and accountability, and to see if they are SMART, an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely (see this reflection for more on SMART resolutions).
Often my daily resolution is the same day after day, as I consolidate that resolution into a habit. When the habit of that particular daily resolution is consolidated and part of my routine, I turn to another resolution, one oriented toward development a habit that I would like to acquire, usually in support of a virtue or, even more so, in improving the love relationship with the person.
At my prayer renewals during the day, I look back on my five resolutions to see how I’m doing with them. At the end of the day, I bring those five resolutions into my examination of conscience. (We discuss IFS, parts work and conscience in episode 175 of the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast.)
Free help with personal resolutions
You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, it’s so good when personal resolutions are shared. That increases motivation, and allows for others to walk with you on your pilgrimage.
So Advent is a great time to make a resolution to make resolutions, to give little gifts to the pre-born Jesus. And to help you with these little gifts, on Saturday, December 27 from 3:30 PM to 4:30 PM Eastern time, I am hosting another Zoom workshop in the whole series on personal vision, values, and mission statements. This one follows up on our October 23 workshop on resolutions. We will start out with an experiential exercise to help you connect with your parts and by the end of the workshop, you will write your first resolution, and we will have plenty of time for Q&A.
This workshop is titled Practical Guidance for Daily Resolutions and it’s free. If you are not already on my email list, just reach out at crisis@soulsandhearts.com and I will get you on so that you can receive the Zoom link via email, as well as links to the recordings of all the previous workshops. If you are on the email list, you should have already received the Zoom link earlier today, but I always send out the link again a few hours before the workshop. This is likely our last free workshop in our series on personal vision, values, and mission statements.
Conversation hours with me
Any reader of these reflections, or anyone who listens to our podcasts is welcome to call me; we can have a 10- or 15-minute private conversation about any of the themes regarding IFS, parts work and Catholicism that Souls and Hearts shares during my conversation hours, which are every Tuesday and Thursday from 4:30 PM to 5:30 PM Eastern time on my cell, 317.567.9594. If I don’t pick up, I’m on another call, just leave a message and I’ll get back to you.
Scripture for your Inner Outcasts episodes
If you are into IFS and into Scripture, join us for a daily outreach to your exiled parts tuned to the daily Mass readings, now in Advent as we prepare the way for the Lord with our whole hearts.
Today’s SFYIO for the Immaculate Conception is by Jan, a Resilient Catholics Community member and IFS Level 2 trained coach and you can listen here as she discusses how her exiled parts are afraid of God and how to bring the light of God’s love to them.
I also want to draw your attention to a powerful testimony from Elizabeth, our SFYIO producer and RCC member, about the trauma of her first confession, how her exiled parts carried the terror of confession that lasted into her adult life, and how her little part was unburdened from all that fear in our SFYIO episode from last Wednesday, December 3. Tune into that episode here.
I hope you’ll make listening to the daily SFYIO episodes parts of your regular routine. I listen while I shave and brush my teeth in the morning.
Foundations Experiential Groups (FEGs) for Catholic Formators in the Formation for Formators Community
Using an Internal Family Systems approach and grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person, Souls and Hearts’ FEGs are designed to help Catholic formators (therapists, coaches, spiritual directors, priests, anyone who accompanies others in formation) overcome their own human formation deficits and love themselves better so that they can better accompany their clients.
Starting in March 2026, the FEGs in our Formation for Formators community will meet for 10 sessions that will generally be held every other week with practice triads meeting during the off-weeks. (You can see how practice triads work by watching Episode 151 of the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, where Dr. Peter is in the accompanier role, working with two individuals who are in the accompanied and the observer roles.) You can apply to an FEG here, no previous experience with IFS is required.
These FEGs:
- Are limited to nine Catholic formators with experienced IFS-trained Catholic practitioners as leaders
- Meet via Zoom for 90 minutes for each of 10 sessions, over the course of five months
- Practice IFS techniques, working on our own real issues within our own internal systems, in the holding environment of the group and in independent practice in triads (You can see how practice triads work by watching Episode 151 of the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, where Dr. Peter is in the accompanier role, working with two individuals who are in the accompanied and the observer roles.
- Engage in interpersonal processing among the members, based on an IFS understanding of parts and self, harmonized with our Catholic faith
- Provide discussion space for the two recorded lectures that cover a chapter of Internal Family Systems Therapy (2nd ed.) by Schwartz and Sweezy.
- In one lecture, the main points of the chapter are summarized.
- In the second, I provide my “Catholic take” on the chapter, discussing where the IFS model departs from a Catholic anthropology and how to make appropriate adjustments to harmonize it with a Catholic worldview.
- Include a sequence of 10 sessions (15 hours total) at only $700 per person, which works out to only $70 per session (in addition to the $40 per month basic subscription fee to join the Formation for Formators community).
Find out more, including dates and times as well as our lineup for advanced FFF groups (for those Catholic formators who have completed an FEG or have training in IFS) on the FFF landing page and apply here.
Are you a Catholic formator new to IFS? Looking for the basics?
IFS Basics for Catholic Formators will be on Tuesday, January 13, 2026 at from 1:00 PM to 2:30 PM Eastern. In this webinar, IFS Level 2 trained coach Bridget Adams and Dr. Peter Malinoski walk through IFS for those who may be quite new to parts work. No previous experience with IFS is needed. We will cover the innermost self, parts, multiplicity, systems thinking, inner polarizations and alignments and much more – both in the “telling” of brief informational talks and the “showing” of experiential exercises. More information is here, and register here.
Warm regards in Christ and His Mother on her Feast of the Immaculate Conception,
Dr. Peter