Dear Souls & Hearts Member,
In IFS terms, most people are blended most of the time. In other words, their innermost selves are not leading and guiding their systems, but rather one or more parts of them are in their driver’s seat. Blended parts generate the impulses that so influence our “doing.” And these impulses come from their agendas. What is an agenda?
In our usage here, an agenda is an inordinate attachment to a particular outcome, using particular means, usually on a particular timeline.
Parts who are not in right relationship with the innermost self have agendas. The agendas of these parts are in contrast with the telos of the innermost self. A telos is a pull toward loving, which is much more overarching, more focused on process than particular outcomes, and does not insist on particular means or time frames.
So in essence, our “doing” can flow from the agendas of our parts, or from the telos of our innermost self (and anywhere in between, on a continuum).
As I noted back in the reflection from July 28, 2025, ideally, we seek to have our Doing Flowing from “Being With,” Grounded in Identity. Today, we will look at when our doing flows from our parts’ agendas.
“Mike” returns for Monday Night Football
I introduced you to Mike in the March 10, 2025, reflection The Key to Personal Statements: Getting God’s Identity Right First. As a reminder, Mike is a 52-year-old married man, father of four, whose children range from 23 down to 12 years old. He is just starting to get in touch with his inner experience, having been relatively disconnected from his emotions, impulses, and desires throughout most of his life, which has limited his capacity for intimacy in interpersonal relationships. He has been married for the last 25 years, and is recognizing that his emotional connection with his wife is somewhat superficial; his wife Linda sees their relationship as “amicable roommates.” He desires deeper relationships, but is at a loss for how to connect more deeply. He has bonded deeply with his two sons over sports; he has had more difficulty connecting with his daughters, feeling uncertain how to relate with the intensity of their emotions.
Mike is a quality control manager on a factory floor. He takes that job seriously, conscientiously finding almost all deviations from finished product quality specifications before products ship. The worst part of his job is pushing back and confronting production managers when quality slips. He has deep desires that the production managers would just follow the production protocols exactly, rather than trying to cut corners to increase production speed. The other staff and workers in the factory perceive him as competent, levelheaded, professional, and fair.
Mike is a cradle Catholic, and experienced eight years of Catholic grade school before entering the public high school in his small town in Ohio. In college, he fell away from Catholicism, returning after about seven years, after the birth of his first baby. In his effort to renew his spiritual life and get support in stopping pornography use, he joined Exodus 90, and began praying regularly; he has desired a deeper relationship with God, but feels at a loss as to how to go about a deeper connection, and he has a chronic sense of “not doing it right” when it comes to his spiritual life.
Mike is watching Monday Night Football, featuring the Detroit Lions and the Baltimore Ravens. He clashed with his wife at supper 30 minutes ago about how much football he’s been taking in this weekend; college games on Saturday, pro games on Sunday, and now Monday night.
It’s been a tough day at work, Mike had to handle a difficult confrontation with a production manager whose quality control was slipping, and he was triggered by that manager’s subtle insinuation that Mike did not know his job and that he was inexperienced about the “real world” of production, so Mike’s shamebearing exile was activated, leading to protectors’ responses.
So now Mike’s parts are generating lots of impulses to drive his doing (and these parts of Mike are from the March 10, 2025, reflection The Key to Personal Statements: Getting God’s Identity Right First)
Mike’s activated parts:
In our header artwork for today at the top, you see Mike and three of his parts.
- Reactive Self-Soothing Firefighter – This is the part driving the watching of yet another football game, seeking to distract from the pain of Mike’s activated shamebearing exile (not pictured). The doing of this part is “I’m watching Monday Night Football with an agenda to ease the pain of Linda’s criticism and just have enjoy some recreation and downtime after a brutal day.” This is the part that gets into football games with enthusiasm and single-minded focus and you can see him on the left of the image rooting the Lions on (even though Mike isn’t a Lions fan, he just prefers them to the Baltimore Ravens).
- Emotional Distancing Manager – This part has an agenda to distance from his wife’s criticism and protect his system from any more conflict and reproaches. “I’m avoiding Linda and setting some boundaries for some ‘me time.’” This part is on the far right of the artwork, guarding Mike against Linda “intruding” into his space, thereby making it more likely that his shame-bearing part will come to the surface.
- Catholic Referee – This part is echoing some of Linda’s concerns in Mike’s head, criticizing him for vegging out and not spending quality time with the kids, especially his daughters. Mike’s Catholic referee is saying “You should be spending time with Linda and the girls, it’s too much beer and too much football” and is pointing accusingly at him in the image. This part is browbeating Mike and accusing him of failing to live out his vocation as a husband and father and attacking his identity by calling him worthless and useless, with the agenda of motivating him to turn off the TV and reengage so that he doesn’t feel so inadequate.
As you can see, each of these parts has a very limited vision and an agenda that is tuned only to a narrow scope of the part. Mike’s innermost self is occluded by these parts, which are generating conflict within him.
In this example, Mike’s doing is not flowing from his being, grounded in his identity as a beloved little son of God the Father, and as such, his doing is not best for any of his parts, or anyone else. This contrasts with an integrated, ordered system in which Mike’s innermost self is leading and guiding, with his doing being good for all his parts.
If this language of parts and innermost self is confusing, check out episodes 157, 158, and 159 of the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast for an introduction to Internal Family Systems concepts.
Only eight days until the Resilient Catholics Community reopens – Zoom informational meeting on Tuesday, September 30 from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern time
Oh boy! We are almost there, to starting our new cohort, the St. Kateri Tekakwitha cohort in the RCC.
The RCC is at the core of Souls and Hearts – where our RCC members do so much beautiful personal human formation work, leading to interior integration, transformation, and flourishing.
If you are interested in working with your own parts, bring them into greater harmony within you, under the leadership and guidance of your innermost self, journeying toward flourishing, consider joining us in the RCC. Get on the interest list on our RCC landing page and see so much more information there, including about the PartsFinder Pro, which can help you identify and connect with your 10-15 of parts, like Mike’s parts in this reflection.
And you are most welcome to join RCC staff Bridget Adams, David Saunders and me for a live information meeting about the Resilient Catholics Community. Learn how to apply for the St. Kateri cohort and ask any questions you may have about the application process, the PartsFinder Pro and community membership. Join us on Tuesday evening, September 30 from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern Time. Here is the link to register. If you can’t make it, we’ll post a recording here the following day. Those who come to the information meeting will be able to apply to the RCC early, before the general application period which is from October 1 to 31. The RCC reopens for new members every February, June, and October.
Workshop on the “doing of resolutions” on Thursday, October 23, 2025, from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern time
For those who have been on the journey of writing personal vision, values, and mission statements, we have another online workshop, this time on Writing Good Personal Resolutions – all about how we implement the doing of our mission statements in the service of the being of our vision statements.
Our resolutions workshop will take place on Zoom on Thursday, October 23, 2025 from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern time. If you are on my workshop email list, you should have already received an invitation with the Zoom link. If you’d like to be on my list and either attend that workshop live or receive a video link to watch it afterward, reach out to me at crisis@soulsandhearts.com. You do not have to have written your vision, mission, or values statements to participate.
Light and warmth for your inner outcasts
Scripture for You Inner Outcasts is a new daily podcast where Souls and Hearts members bring Jesus’ ministry inside, to all parts of us, going deeply into both Scripture and into our hearts, to bring the Good News to our exiled parts.
Today’s episode is titled Engaging in Human Formation Can Feel Like Releasing Your Inner Outcasts From Captivity by David Saunders of the RCC on Psalm 126: 1-2:
When the LORD brought back the captives of Zion,
we were like men dreaming.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with rejoicing.
Check it out on YouTube or wherever your listen to your podcasts. The RSS feed is here. Make the Scripture for Your Inner Outcasts podcast a part of your daily routine, and invite your exiled parts into your spiritual life.
IIC episode 174 released
In Interior Integration for Catholics episode 174, Richard Schwartz and IFS Meet St. Thomas Aquinas (86 minutes) Video Audio, We explore the surprising compatibility of Internal Family Systems with a Thomistic understanding of the human person. The modern pioneer of parts work, Richard Schwartz, originator of IFS harmonizes with the medieval angelic doctor of the Church, St. Thomas Aquinas. Join Thomistic philosopher Dr. Anthony Flood, Catholic psychologist Dr. Eric Gudan and me, Dr. Peter, as we discuss how the goodness of IFS can be modified and grounded in the excellence of a Thomistic anthropology.
Please pray for us. Be assured of our prayers for you.
In Christ and His Mother,
Dr. Peter