Image from Wikimedia Commons used by permission via CC BY 4.0
Dear Souls & Hearts Member,
In writing this series of reflections on identity, I’ve emphasized how your identity is given to you and needs to be discovered and embraced, rather than you creating your identity, as the existentialists would have you do.
And I stand by that.
But there’s a caveat.
Remember that your identity is multifaceted. Different parts of you will resonate with different dimensions of your identity. And in this reflection, we are going to explore in depth jpw a given part may need an identity in relationship with God that may be off the beaten path.
And I will offer my own experience and my Collaborator manager part as an example.
My Inner Management Team
As some of you know, from Episode 71 of the IIC podcast and from the reflection Catholic Personal Vision Statements, Revisited, I have three primary manager parts, and each of them resonates with a different identity. Here are some brief descriptions of my managers:
- My Good Boy manager, when he is blended and not in right relationship with my innermost self, focuses on following all God’s rules (as he understands them). When blended, Good Boy holds me to extremely high standards, to earn the love of God by being “good enough,” from a heretical, Pelagian. This part needs and resonates with my identity as a beloved little son of God the Father, which I discussed in this reflection.
- My Evaluator manager, when he is blended, focuses on finding safety in knowing. When this part is not in right relationship with my innermost self, he reaches for a “localized omniscience,” believing that if he just knows enough, if he just has enough information, he can manage every challenge, and anticipate every problem, always find the best solution, and keep me safe. Evaluator needs and resonates with my identity as Jesus’ beloved sheep, which I discussed in this reflection.
- My Collaborator manager, when he is not in right relationship with my innermost self, focuses on doing. When Collaborator is blended, his fantasy is that if he always does the right thing and always does enough (informed by Good Boy’s high standards and Evaluator’s “localized omniscience”), he can avoid all evils and suffering. When blended, Collaborator reaches for a “localized omnipotence” through which he believes he can control all the important factors in my sphere of influence and make everything OK for me and everyone close to me.
But Collaborator did not resonate with any of the identities that I wrote about in the previous five reflections. Here those reflections are, for quick reference:
- Beloved sons and daughters of God the Father in Self Images and Identity from March 24, 2025
- Heirs of God the Father in Our Identity as Heirs of God from April 15, 2025
- Friends of Jesus in “I Call You Friends” from April 28, 2025
- Sheep in Jesus’ flock in Your Identity as Jesus’ Sheep from May 12, 2025
- Temple of the Holy Spirit in Your Identity as the Temple of the Holy Spirit from June 10, 2025
And, moreover, Collaborator did not find any of the standard depictions of the Holy Spirit compelling or inviting for establishing a relational identity with the third Person of the Trinity. Breath, wind, water, dove, fire, cloud, gift, advocate, counselor, comforter, guide, gift-giver, sustainer – none of these representations seemed to call Collaborator into relationship with the Holy Spirit. Being the Holy Spirit’s temple makes so much sense to my Guardian part who very much likes that image, but it landed flat and cold with Collaborator.
Collaborator wanted something else, an identity derived from some other kind of relationship with the Holy Spirit.
A quick aside…
It is standard practice in Internal Family Systems circles to simply use a person’s name to identify the innermost self. I have followed that practice for many years, referring to my innermost self as “Peter.” But in the last week or so, some of my parts have pushed back on that a bit, especially Evaluator and Collaborator, arguing that “Peter” is my entire system; “Peter” is all of me, not just my innermost self.
It didn’t seem right to Good Boy for my innermost self to have my given name, my primary name, excluding all of my parts. Therefore, it seems right and good to my innermost self and all my parts for me to refer to my innermost self as “Petrus.”
My parts liked calling my innermost self “Petrus” not only because they are fond of Latin, but also because as Peter the apostle was given authority over the Church, as Jesus said in Matthew 16:18-19:
“…tu es Petrus, and on this rock, I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”
My parts liked “Petrus” as Peter, the first pope, had authority over the whole Church as a system, and my innermost self as “Petrus” should have authority over my inner system, reflecting an ordered inner hierarchy. And my innermost self really liked the moniker as well.
Particular parts resonating with particular identities
In relating with the Holy Spirit, and in collaboration with Petrus, Collaborator essentially demanded that he be the Holy Spirit’s dance partner, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead him in our dance.
Why?
Remember that my Collaborator part was so focused on doing and controlling. To grow in humility and docility to His touches and inspirations, the image of dancing, with the Holy Spirit leading him in a partner dance came to mind.
My Collaborator recognized that he needed to let go of his agendas, to trust the process, to be led; but not so much like a sheep. He wanted to open up to the gentle touches, the movements, the little inspirations of the Holy Spirit, not just in the left-brain analytical style of my Evaluator, but with all the ways of knowing that are non-verbal, intuitive, emotional, relational – all the right-brain knowledge, and by being open and receptive to grace.
“Will you dance with me?”
The best model for Collaborator was partner dancing, where so much is communicated and shared non-verbally, intuitively, instinctively, within the touch of the relationship.
As Charles Souvay noted in his entry titled “Dancing” in the 1913 Catholic Encyclopedia, dancing provide a unique way to communicate and to share emotions in relationship:
The origin of dancing is to be sought in the natural tendency to employ gesture either to supplement or to replace speech. Strong emotions, in particular, key up the organs to a pitch of exaltation which spontaneously manifests itself through more or less rhythmical movements that constitute what may be considered as elementary and natural dances. But in the same manner as speech soon developed into poetry and song, so also did these bodily movements gradually develop into the art of dancing. Both spontaneous and artistic dancing may be described as “an expression of the feelings by movements of the body more or less controlled by a sense of rhythm”(J. Millar), and are to some degree practiced by all peoples. The Hebrews were no exception; their language contains no less than eight verbs to express the idea of dancing.
Dancing with God
Brother Paul Quenon, OCSO in his 2018 book In Praise of the Useless Life: A Monk’s Memoir in his section titled “Dancing with God” describes how God dances with Himself, and how I as a Christian am invited into the dance:
The Holy Trinity, in Greek theology, is described as a perichoresis, a circle dance. As three dancers in one circle, they are dancing as one undivided reality. This dynamic image was translated into Latin with a comparatively static image—the word circumincession, indicating a mutual indwelling, a being inside one another. Both images are valid, and both pertain to the Christian life. We engage in the mutual abiding of Christ in the Father and the Father in the Son. Expressed dynamically, we are caught in the flow of the generation of the Son from the Father. In that timeless flow, we are already chosen in Christ, even “before the foundation of the world” (Eph 1:4).
Through this temporal life on earth, with all its twists and turns, the dance and the dancer are becoming one. The pattern I dance and who I am as dancer are indistinguishable. No one knows what the dancer means until the dance is completed. What the dance becomes and how I dance speak of who I am. When action on earth is joined with the larger choreography of heaven, my meaning expands infinitely beyond myself, and I expand along with it. For this to happen, I must get lost in the dance and forget myself. “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me” (Gal 2:19–20). [pp. 7–8].
And as this imagery of dancing with the Holy Spirit expanded within me, other parts became interested in what Brother Quenon calls the “choreography of heaven.” So now the imagery of an internal line dance with many of my parts dancing together began to emerge, with the Holy Spirit being now the music to which most of me is dancing, which guides all of my parts in the dance.
And in my experience, the Holy Spirit has been so encouraging, so accepting, so gracious and kind in being my dance partner. I won’t go into details here, but the opportunity for my Collaborator to dance with Him has been transformative in ways that I had never imagined.
Freedom in identity
Knowing the truth of our identity helps to set us free (cf. John 8:32). I encourage each of you, in your human formation work, to discover and articulate your identity, bearing in mind that different parts of you will resonate with different identities.
And, as in the case of my Collaborator, a resonant identity may be “off the beaten path.” I encourage you, as you get to know and love your parts, to help them connect with identity, as they integrate within you. And to get creative about it, in relationship with your parts and with God and the saints.
The RCC is open for one more week…
If the connections with parts in this reflection appeals to you, if you want to get to know and love your parts, if you want the interior integration necessary to flourish and thrive, check out the Resilient Catholics Community.
Applying to the RCC includes taking the PartsFinder Pro, a series of 22 measures uniquely chosen to help you connect with your parts. The PFP report not only (hypothetically) identifies 12 to 15 of your parts (managers, firefighters, and exiles) but describes the interrelationships among those parts. The PFP can jumpstart your human formation work by helping you to connect deeply and rapidly with parts of you that you may not yet have met in conscious awareness. You can download a PDF for a sample fictional report for a man and a woman to see examples. We have more than 100 parts descriptions that we tailor to your particular system.
The RCC is not only for your head, but also for your heart. We bring together the best of many learning modalities, with an emphasis on experiential exercises, to help your innermost self become freer to lead and guide your system. And you’re not on your own; you have the support of our 300+ member community, your company (a small group of four to eight members), and your companion.
As an RCC member, you also have access to so much more exclusive content, including my daily podcast, just for RCC members, titled Walking Together as One in which I accompany our RCC members every day (except Sundays) and share my latest thoughts and experiences, my newest ideas and takeaways, and offer helpful tips.
The RCC provides a year-long, structured, step-by-step program that starts at the very beginning, to help you learn to not only recognize and get to know your parts, but to come to love them. Check out all the additional information and the testimonials on our RCC landing page and if you are ready, start the up process of application with this link until June 30, when registration closes.
Check out our 19-minute experiential exercise to help you discern about applying to the RCC. And do not hesitate to reach out to me at crisis@soulsandhearts.com or on my cell at 317.567.9594 or to Bridget Adams at bridget@soulsandhearts.com with any questions you may have.
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