IIC 1: Our Natural Fear of Death is a Gift

Dr. Peter Malinoski discusses how our fear of the coronavirus and the fear of death can help us remember to pray and to be childlike in returning to God in this week’s podcast.

[00:00:13] Welcome to the podcast, Coronavirus Crisis Carpe Diem, for March 23rd, 2020. I’m Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist in Indianapolis, and this podcast addresses head on all of the coronavirus situation, from a psychological perspective, grounded in the truths of the Catholic faith. And it’s going to make the claim, I make the claim that this situation, this crisis situation that we’re facing, presents unique and extremely valuable possibilities and opportunities for psychological and spiritual growth. In short, it is providential. According to Romans 8:28, Saint Paul tells us, “All things work together for good for those who love the Lord.” All things, no exceptions. And that includes not only this crisis, but every feature of this crisis can work together for good if we love the Lord. But in our human natures, we tend to look at the externals of the situation. We go with our initial reactions, and we can fall into anxiety, despair, fear, and all kinds of psychological suffering, due to the appearances of things. I’m going to invite you to journey together with me to navigate these uncharted waters. Again, this is for those who want to not merely survive but thrive. In each episode, we’re going to take on one particular theme, and then we’re going to have a takeaway and an action item. So in this first one, we’re going to focus on the theme of the fear of death. Death is a terrible thing. Our bodies, our minds, our souls, our hearts all rebel against it.

[00:02:06] And it makes sense because we were never made to die. Death entered the world with original sin, with the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It was never God’s original intention that we die, and so we rebel against it. And that’s natural. Christ himself was anxious in the Garden of Gethsemane. We read in Matthew 26 that he was troubled, and in Mark 14 that he was greatly distressed. So the first and most important idea, the takeaway here, is that it’s natural to be afraid of death. Pope John Paul II, when he was going in for surgery for colon cancer, was asked by a reporter, “Are you afraid, Holy Father?” His response? “Yes.” Clear, direct, unequivocal and honest. He was afraid and he was able to admit it. Oftentimes people will, especially men, will be disconnected from fear. They will experience themselves as fearless, right? That doesn’t mean that there isn’t fear in their systems, in their psyches. It means instead that that fear has been repressed, suppressed, denied, or dissociated. So actually feeling the fear of death and feeling the fear in this crisis can mean that you are actually in touch with your feelings about it. So what is the upside of fearing death? The upside is that we have a unique opportunity now to confront our mortality. When we hear the statistics about deaths and new illnesses, it brings it to our attention in ways that would not have been possible a week ago, a month ago.

[00:04:10] Moreover, with things shutting down, distractions are being taken away from us. There’s no March Madness this year, no NCAA basketball tournament, no sporting events. A lot of activities have been curtailed or canceled, and so we are starting to come to grips with this in a way that, for many people, no longer is deniable. And that fear of death is actually a gift. Let’s look at the perspective of a little child with mom in the grocery store. The little child is interested in things, wanders off, realizes that there is danger in a situation because he’s no longer with his mother and begins to look for her. So fear is a motivator. Fear is a motivator for us to reconnect with God. When things are going really well, when we feel secure in our possessions or in our positions or in our earthly goods, we’re less likely to seek out God. That fear leads that little child back to his parents. And that’s what it can do for us as well. So for the action item, I’m going to recommend that you acknowledge your fear in your prayer. Acknowledge the experiences that you’re having, honestly, you know. And there’s reasons why we don’t want to, you know, because we fear actually that we’ll become overwhelmed by fear. And so that’s one of the reasons why we disconnect from it. But to the degree that you’re aware of fear, bring it into your prayer. Lay it at the feet of our Lord Jesus Christ.

[00:05:52] Part of the reason that his sufferings were so intense in his passion and crucifixion was because he was carrying on himself, taking on the burden of all of our iniquities and the consequences of those iniquities, because we were unable to make restitution ourselves. So he experienced our fear for us in many ways. So acknowledge your fear in your prayer. Many times it’s easy to forget to pray. You know, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to figure out what the next step is, trying to understand what’s going on. We’re to be like little children, like that little child in the grocery store. That little child in the grocery store does not have to make everything all right for himself. He needs to reconnect with his parents. And our Lord tells us, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God is made up of such as these.” Right? We need to be able to be little, to recognize our littleness, our dependency, our need for our Heavenly Father and our Heavenly Mother, and to be able to reconnect with them. So this too shall pass. Let’s take advantage of the opportunities. Let’s bring our fears and our concerns and our anxieties to our Lord in prayer, to our mother, our Mother Mary, in prayer. And let’s remember that as sheep we need a shepherd. I actually own sheep. They, of all domestic animals, are the least fit to make it on their own in the wild. Pigs, you know, cows, ducks, even chickens. They’re able to navigate being in the wild a lot better than sheep. Sheep are really vulnerable. And so are we. Right? So when our Lord referred to us as sheep in the Gospels, that was hardly complimentary. I’m going to leave you with one more recommendation as well. And that’s a book recommendation for individuals that are really struggling with a sense of peace. And that is a book by Fr. Jacques Philippe called Searching For and Maintaining Peace. An excellent book. I’ve recommended it to many of my clients. I really want to hear from the listeners. You know, email me at crisis@soulsandhearts.com. I really want to respond to your questions and your concerns. That’s a dedicated email box for this podcast. And I will be reading every one of those emails that come in and bringing them on the show. We’re going to meet on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for as long as this crisis is active. We’ll go through this together. Eventually, we’ll be working to get some community building up on Souls and Hearts, some discussion forums and so forth. So you can also participate in those. So check out all the good stuff at soulsandhearts.com. And close by invoking our patroness, Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, pray for us. And also our patron. Saint John the Baptist, pray for us.