Dear Souls & Hearts Member,
“I just keep spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere!” So goes the lament of so many busy people, people who are doing so much and feeling a sense of futility. Let’s take a close look together today at the role of “doing” and where it fits into the Catholic life.
So many Catholics (and non-Catholics as well) start with doing. And that’s a mistake. I am reminded of a clever twist on an old saying: “Don’t just do something – stand there.”
Where should we start?
As I’ve been writing this series of reflections on vision, values, and mission statements it has become much clearer to me how we need to start with identity. The previous eight reflections (starting on March 10, 2025) focused on the identity of God, ourselves, and our neighbors – gripping on to these identities correctly shore up the identity leg of the stool of security and stability.
I argue that any doing should flow from our being, and that our being needs to be grounded in an accurate sense of identity, as in the flow chart at the top of this reflection.
If you do not know who God is and who you are, and who your neighbor is, you will not know how to “be with” God, yourself, or your neighbor in an ordered way. And if cannot “be with” yourself, God, and neighbor properly, your “doing” will miss the mark. That is a recipe for spinning your wheels.
Remember how at the beginning of this series, more than a year ago on July 22, 2024 in the reflection titled Your Vision, Mission, and Values, I recommended starting with your vision statement. Your vision statement, as I discussed in that reflection “is your expression of the future state of who you seek to become, who you are called to be in the future.”
A vision statement describes a destination. It is future-focused. It summarizes your mental picture of your future perfected self in your imagination. It describes your “who” – the person you want to become as you live out the identities given to you by God.
So a vision statement is a statement of “being.” In contrast, a mission statement is a statement of “doing” in support of that being. As I stated in the first reflection in this series, “A personal mission statement is your expression of the means you will use in the present to realize your personal vision in the future.”
Thus, the doing of your mission should be in the service of the being you foresaw in your vision statement.
So many people reverse the order of being and doing, with their parts hoping (consciously or unconsciously) that by doing enough of the right things, they can change their state of being.
Here is an example: A prominent striving manager part within a person believes that “If I work hard enough, maybe I can become acceptable to God.” A compliant surrenderer part assumes that “If I do what my spouse tells me to do perfectly enough, then I will be loved.”
I am sure that getting the order of identity, then being, then doing is why I’ve found it so challenging to write my own personal mission statement. The doing is at the tail end of the process, not the beginning.
Yet so many people start with doing.
We have an example in our Lord’s exchange with Martha in Luke 10:38-42:
Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving; and she went to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.”
In this scene, Martha is focused on doing; Mary is focused on being, and specifically on being with Jesus, a “being with” that embraces her God-given identities as His friend and His sheep.
I don’t know Martha’s heart or soul, but I wonder if Mary was trying to do enough in the serving to be able to be in a different state – she wanted to be with Jesus as Mary was, but she felt she had much to do before she could be with Jesus in that way, so Jesus corrects her misperception, and at the same time, preserves Mary’s being with Him.
Christian author and podcaster Lysa TerKeurst sums us the challenge we all face in this quote:
“Remember who you are. Don’t compromise for anyone, for any reason. You are a child of the Almighty God. Live that truth.” This quote implies that a Christian starts by embracing his or her identity and holds on to that identity. Any doing flows from that.
Sr. Mary Thea Bowman, FSPA, a Black Catholic teacher, musician and scholar sums up our state of being perfectly: “Remember who you are and whose you are.” The doing (remembering) is in the service of the being (a beloved little son or daughter of God).
As we continue in our process toward writing personal mission statements, and then following up with proper roles for habits and goals, let’s bear in mind the order of identity and being with preceding our doing.
You can receive these reflections, plus Dr. Gerry’s monthly Kingdom Within and Parting Thoughts reflections in your email inbox each Monday. Sign up here!
Dr. Peter on Boundaries with Chris Stefanick
I am back on the Chris Stefanick Show in an episode titled Why You Can’t Say ‘No’:How to Stop Burnout with Boundaries – where we discuss how learning to say “no” and establishing healthy boundaries are keys to reclaiming our time, joy and freedom.
This episode is already released on EWTN On Demand, and it will come out tomorrow on Chris’ Real Life Catholic YouTube Channel.
Final call for first-ever Formators retreat!
If you’re a Catholic therapist, priest, spiritual director, coach, or other formator, someone who professionally accompanies others in their personal formation, we are hosting our first-ever formators retreat in Bloomington, Indiana, in just a few weeks. Dr. Peter and Bridget Adams will be leading our “Being At Service” retreat, which will be held at the Mother of the Redeemer Retreat Center August 11-14. We have finalized our sessions and schedule in this PDF brochure. Please contact Bridget Adams directly by August 4 at bridget@soulsandhearts.com if you’re interested in attending.
And if you need more time …
Interested but can’t make the retreat? Consider our fall 2025 Foundations Experiential Groups (FEGs). We are now accepting registrations for groups starting in late August or early September 2025. We have limited spots with a team of IFS-trained leaders on a variety of days and times. Check out all this information and officially register here.
And if you have already completed an FEG or Stepping Stones, or are IFS Level One trained, you are eligible for one of our Advanced Groups this fall, including a new group led by Dr. Gerry Crete called The Flourishing Heart. See all details here.
Jump on the interest list for the RCC
This coming October we’ll be opening our 11th cohort of the Resilient Catholic Community, named after St. Kateri. This year-long program is all about learning to love self, God, and neighbor more fully. Learn more here and put your name on the interest list so we can reach out with more details.