Join members of Souls and Hearts as they share their personal spiritual journeys with you. As these individuals have taken advantage of shows, podcasts, blogs, and courses, they have found helpful ways to deepen their faith by shoring up their psychological and mental health.

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Four Guideposts to True North

by Jonathan Ruffing

compass true north

Listen to podcast on integration

I had a dream last night.

I was in the back seat of a car driving down the interstate. There was no driver. As I looked out the front window, I saw that I was approaching a construction zone. A highway worker was directing me into another lane via a set of construction zone markers.

I immediately realized I needed to slow down; however, I could not move from the back seat. My paralyzed legs would not allow me to climb into the front seat.

I was able to reach from the back seat and grab the steering wheel. I turned off the cruise control in the hope that the car would begin to slow down. With the steering wheel, I was able to maneuver into the other lane as I slowed down. But, the cars ahead of me that had slowed earlier were rapidly approaching, and I was not sure if I would stop in time without crashing into the rear of the one in front of me.

I woke up.

Unconscious Message

I think my unconscious was telling me through the dream that I am traveling in the wrong direction. I guess a driverless car could go in any direction. I am usually a goal-oriented individual, but these days—not so much. I do not want to drive right now. I want to sit in the back seat without any sense of personal responsibility and consequently crash into the car in front of me.

The other day I was reading about the concept of true north in terms of my spirituality. The author talked about our deepest desire, which is to know and love God and live with Him in heaven forever should be our true north. All of our decisions should be based on us looking at our internal compass, and determining is this thought, action, decision pointing me to my true north.

True North

My cognitive instincts kicked in, and I went to Target and bought myself a compass. I placed it on my desk, and for the past week, I have to admit I have stopped and paused every time I looked at the compass. At that moment, I had to question myself, was I living my life in the direction of true north?

Recently I was listing all of my difficulties with a friend. When I got to the end, I spontaneously said, “I guess I am under attack by Satan.” That thought seemed to resonate.

I did not think about Satan anymore until Friday, and for some reason, Screwtape and Wormwood entered into my thoughts. As I was thinking of them, I seemed to remember that there was an RCCD podcast where Dr. Peter mentions these two characters from The Screwtape Letters.

I went through the podcast episodes and found number 14: Soulset: The Core of Us.
It was fun to go back and review all the previous podcasts trying to find the right one.

Less Integration

After listening to the podcast, I think my current life circumstances with family, friends, Church, Covid-19, masks, civil unrest, uncivil politics—is allowing me to let my bodyset, mindset, heartset, and soulset to become less integrated. With this lack of integration, chaos fills the void. The chaos that occurs when a car is speeding down the highway without a driver behind the steering wheel.

If I combined what I heard on Dr. Peter’s podcast regarding soulset with what I heard on the EWTN radio regarding masks, I am not approaching others (family, friends, community) with a sense of humility and charity.

In addition to my lack of humility and charity, I would add I am not approaching my relationship with God (my God concept!) with a sense of trust and gratitude.
So there they are my guideposts to True North and better integration of body, heart, mind, and soul: humility, charity, trust, and gratitude.

The front seat, here I come!

About Jonathan Ruffing

Jonathan is a husband, father, grandfather, friend, and entrepreneur trying to encourage and educate those entering the fourth quarter of their lives to achieve self-fulfillment while creating a meaningful life. He lives in Indianapolis, Indiana, with his wife, Margaret of 42 years. Jonathan is available at [email protected] to discuss compasses and other navigational tools to get us to true north.

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Spiritual Resources on the Grief Journey

by Irene Rowland, MS, NCC, LPC

My faith was important to me long before the deaths of loved ones pushed me into truly realizing the power of leaning on the Lord. Life can definitely be uncertain but I am very certain that God is loving, faithful and trustworthy.

Prayer for Comfort and Clarity

We all have our own prayer styles that we prefer. Sometimes traditional prayer feels right and at other times a free form, whatever comes to mind, conversational type prayer is preferred. I talk with God in both styles on this grief journey, just as I did before my losses.

I was a member of a Moms in Touch International prayer group for many years. One of the lessons that stuck with me was the value of praying in a similar style as the perfect prayer, the Our Father. We used the acronym ACTS for the best order to pray in, especially since oftentimes we seek the Lord when we need something and start out our prayer with the gimme this and gimme that type of conversation.

“A” stands for adoration which is the best starting point for prayer. Praising, worshipping and adoring the Lord at the beginning of our prayer time is like us saying hello to each other when we first meet. Of course, when we pray, we’re talking with the God of the universe who is worthy of our praise, so usually we desire to say more than just hello.

“C” is for confession or contrition. One could look at this as an examination of conscience, asking ourselves how we have missed the mark and asking for forgiveness for those sins.

“T” stands for thanksgiving and we all have much to be thankful for even during the difficult times of struggle and grief.

“S” is for supplication which is where we ask for that which we need and sometimes what we want. Following this little formula is usually how I pray and it has given me both comfort and clarity over the years.

Sometimes we might not feel up to praying. That’s ok, scripture tells us that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t know how to pray. Prayer doesn’t always look like prayer, so that’s something to keep in mind. Doing the laundry for your family when you don’t even want to get out of bed, seems like both a sacrificial gift and a prayer in my book. Noticing a beautiful sunset and being grateful even with just a little smile is also a prayer.

Catholic Prayer

Although praying the Rosary is specifically a Catholic form of prayer, I do know that others have been known to also pray it and find blessing in it. I have a friend who finds comfort in just holding hers and running her fingers across the beads. The rosary has only been on the outskirts of my prayer life, but I have certainly prayed it more often in the last 8 years than in my entire life before then. Jesus’ mother Mary suffered grief; she understands. If you have any doubts, look at a photograph of Michelangelo’s statue, The Pieta, as she lovingly holds her crucified son.

A nice, little prayer booklet that I found more recently for a gift is called Prayers for Grief, Loss & Depression by Jim Auer. Many of the prayers are of a Catholic nature. One of them is Mary, Undoer of Knots. There are many knots (difficulties, messes, struggles or traumas) in life that can put a knot in our stomach and grief is one of them. There’s also a Mary Undoer of Knots novena that you might find helpful. A good source is Pray More Novenas.

Sacraments as Part of Healing

Faithfully attending Sunday Mass and receiving Communion were key for me right from the start of our losses. So much in our world is turned upside down when grief enters into the picture. Keeping up with our spiritual practices in the “new normal” provides some structure and continuity which provides some comfort psychologically. More importantly, I believe for me, the graces and strength to face each new day, came directly from reception of Eucharist.

Grief can involve a fair amount of “stinking thinking”, unnecessary guilt, irritability, selfishness and other assorted things that don’t serve us well. The sacrament of reconciliation (or confession as I still call it) is also good for the soul and helpful for cleansing and comfort along the path of grief.

The sacrament of anointing of the sick has actually also been used for times when we are struggling emotionally. I didn’t realize that until I saw it used in that way at a retreat. So that’s something to keep in mind if you are having a tough time with the loss of a loved one. It’s good to know that it isn’t reserved for only dire medical situations.

Scripture Can Be Helpful

The Lord needed another angel. God picks the best flowers for His garden. Wait! No! The Bible doesn’t say any of these platitudes that people like to say. What God’s Word does say is that He will walk with us in the suffering. Isaiah 43:2 states When you pass through the water, I will be with you; in the rivers you shall not drown. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned; the flames shall not consume you.

There are 42 Psalms of lament. They are worth looking at and seeing which ones resonate with you. Many of these cries out to God are raw, desperate, unfiltered grief. They are typically followed by a petition letting Him know what you’d like for him to do about your complaint. The psalm protest is resolved through an expression of trust based on God’s character despite not knowing the outcome of a situation. A good example of this would be Psalm 71:20-21, Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

Eventually, even with deep grief, we can profess Phillipians 4:6-7 The peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. With our spiritual eyes, we can see the beauty of what our receiving line in Heaven will look like. That kind of eternal joy can give us some peace in the here and now.

About Irene Rowland, MS, NCC, LPC

Irene is a licensed professional counselor with Holy Family Counseling Center working out of two offices in the greater Atlanta area. She counsels individuals, couples and families. She considers it an honor to walk alongside her clients who are brave enough to be working on their growth journey. She is also trained in EMDR trauma therapy and uses it successfully with more than half of her clients. She is a member of the Catholic Psychotherapy Association, Chi Sigma Iota an international honor society in counseling, the Licensed Professional Counseling Association, Psi Chi an international honor society in Psychology, and a member of the National Board of Certified Counselors. For more information about her, please visit Holy Family Counseling Center.

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